


Jade Harley and the Heartbreaking Sacrifice

by Heavensalt



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crack, Gen, graphic depictions of apple juice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 14:30:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10595946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavensalt/pseuds/Heavensalt
Summary: Tragedy strikes at the beach. This is a jokefic that I wrote literally four years ago; I'm posting it here 'cause my friend asked me to.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PaigeOfSpace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaigeOfSpace/gifts).



One fine summer’s day, Jade was relaxing at the beach with her best friends John and Rose and main squeeze Dave. Jade had changed over the summer. Now her hair was sleek and fell down her back like a cascade of ebony night, and she had curves in all the right places and no longer needed glasses.

She’s one hot babe, Dave thought as he sipped from his bottle of apple juice.

Jade leaned back on her elbows, content. Content, that is, except for a slight thirst.

“Dave, sweetie, can I have a sip of your apple juice, please?" 

"Sorry babe, but I need the natural sugars in this apple juice to help me pump iron,” Dave said in his deep, manly voice.

“Oh, a-alright then.” Jade shaded her face with one slender arm, trying to ignore the intense heat. She was so very thirsty, but she didn’t complain because then Dave wouldn’t think she was cool. She really loved apple juice though. Finally it got to the point where she couldn’t bear it any more.

“Dave, please, I-”

Suddenly, Jade fell back onto the sand, her hair spreading gracefully around her face. The last thing she saw before her world faded to black was Dave holding her and calling her name.

Jade awoke in the hospital. She felt a bit tired, but her thirst was gone now. She too the glasses she didn’t need off of the bedside table and put them on. John and Rose came into focus next to her. They looked concerned. 

“Where am I?”

“At the hospital,” Rose said. “You passed out from thirst and the doctors had to do an emergency apple juice transplant.”

“Sorry to worry you guys. Wait a second… where’s Dave?”

John and Rose exchanged sorrowful looks. Rose bowed her head in grief.

“Who do you think gave you the apple juice?”

-Optional epilogue-

Tears streamed down Jade’s face. She jumped out of bed and ran out the room and down the hall, sobbing. She saw nurses wheeling a gurney covered in a white sheet. She ripped the sheet off of the gurney and saw Dave laying there, unmoving. She fell to her knees and cried, brokenhearted.

Suddenly, Dave stood up.

“Whoa, Jade, calm down, it was a joke!”

“FUCKASS!” Jade screamed and shoved Dave against the wall, which promptly fell down, revealing that the entire hospital was just a crappy set. Jade looked around to see Terezi holding a camera and filming her while an audience of trolls laughed hysterically.

“Congratulations Jade, You’re on tv!” Kurloz announced from the director’s chair.

“You all suck Hussie nuts!” Jade shouted and stormed out of the studio.


End file.
